We all want to fit in, but doing what it takes to ‘Fit In’ may require us to live synthetically, to behave in ways which don’t harmonise with our inner selves. This constant striving keeps our stress hormones pumping which keeps our nerves on edge day after day.
We believe we have to work harder than our competition to prove we are worth the promotion or have the best business in town, and therefore we avert any possibility of being perceived as inadequate?
We think our work needs to be perfect to feel good enough so that it won’t be judged and found wanting?
We find that no matter how much money we make, it is never enough, somehow, we still lack something and need more wealth or security?
This constant striving to prove our self-worth, to gain approval and fit in, to avoid judgement or criticism by striving for perfection, is EXHAUSTING! There is no finish line, we will always feel depleted, and if any of those compensations fail, we plummet.
None of us emerges from childhood unscathed. We all have underlying beliefs about our conceived inadequacies, none of which are actually true if examined in the light of day, but we develop a strategy of compensations to conceal any possible evidence to support them and it is these compensations that exhaust us and make us sick.
- If someone finds our work ‘not perfect’ and criticises it, it’s devastating to us, we have failed in our eyes, which is one of our worst fears.
- Someone questions the value of the work you have been busting your gut to produce and you are incensed at their lack of appreciation for all your slavery.
- Someone overlooks you, or worse a group leaves you out, and you are devastated by the rejection and loneliness.
We are so vulnerable when we believe that our self-worth is dependent on others approval, or our performance, or how good we look from the outside, successful, together, competent. These accolades can all be taken away in a heartbeat and then what is left of us? Who are we? Who loves us and looks up to us? What value do we have?
This is what undermines our worth, we have yet to find our inner power, the innate value we can stand on no matter what comes our way.